Dr. Ramani Durvasula
About Dr. Ramani Durvasula
“Our event with Dr. Ramani Durvasula was top-notch. She was incredibly knowledgeable, compassionate, warm, funny, and professional. The feedback we received from attendees was overwhelmingly positive. We also held a Meet & Greet dinner with a small group of local mental healthcare professionals and Dr. Ramani was so engaging and a delight to get to know on a personal level. Thank you for everything!”
Speaking videos
Books by Dr. Ramani Durvasula
“It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People” (2024)
It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissistic person. One day they draw you in with their charm and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-esteem, and leave you wondering, What should I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani explains in It’s Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing. Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist will not stop manipulating and invalidating you, no matter how much you try to appease them. The first step toward healing from their toxic influence—and to protect yourself from future harm—is to accept that you are not to blame for their behavior. Drawing on more than two decades of studying the landscape of narcissism and working with survivors, Dr. Ramani explores how narcissists hijack our well-being and offers a healing path forward. Unpacking the oft-misunderstood personality, she reveals the telltale behavioral patterns that indicate you may be dealing with a narcissist. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep you stuck in the cycle, grieve the loss of these painful relationships, create and maintain realistic boundaries, discern unhelpful behaviors from narcissistic behaviors, and recover your sense of self after constant invalidation. Thriving after, or even during, a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but It’s Not You shows you it is possible. Dr. Ramani invites you to stop blaming yourself and trying to change the narcissistic person, and to start giving yourself permission to let go of their hold on you and finally embrace your true self.
“"Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility” (2019)
“Don’t You Know Who I Am?” has become the mantra of the famous and infamous, the entitled and the insecure. It’s the tagline of the modern narcissist. Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized. They are manifestations of pathological insecurity—insecurities that are experienced at both the individual and societal level. The paradox is that we value these patterns. We venerate them through social media, mainstream media, and consumerism, and they are endemic in political, corporate, academic, and media leaders. There are few lives untouched by narcissists. These relationships infect those who are in them with self-doubt, despair, confusion, anxiety, depression, and the chronic feeling of being “not enough,” all of which make it so difficult to step away and set boundaries. The illusion of hope and the fantasy of redemption can result in years of second chances, and despondency when change never comes. It’s time for a wake-up call. It’s time to stem the tide of narcissism, entitlement, and antagonism, and take our lives back.
“Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist” (2015)
Narcissism is a modern epidemic—and it’s spreading rapidly. Narcissists tend to be pretty on the outside, but empty on the inside. While they are often successful, they are also controlling, manipulative, entitled, vain, and they have no empathy. If your significant other can be charismatic and charming one moment and leave you feeling disappointed, unsettled, and doubting yourself the next, you may be involved with a narcissist. This dangerous relationship can slowly ruin your sense of well-being and ultimately your psychological health. Sometimes leaving is the healthiest option. But sometimes it doesn’t feel like an option, and you may have powerful reasons for staying—for your children, financial security, religious beliefs, or simply because you are in love. In Should I Stay or Should I Go? Dr. Ramani Durvasula gives you the tools to help you stop making the same mistakes. It shows you what to watch for and provides guidance on managing difficult situations. This honest survival manual is based on the real terrain of pathological narcissism and it provides a realistic roadmap of how to navigate this landscape and reclaim your true self, find healing and live an authentic and empowered life. Whether you stay—or go.
At a glanceDr. Ramani Durvasula
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